so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
