The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
