Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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