Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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