Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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