I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didn't notice because vodka
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
