is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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