How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
