also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
