She said her name was "party"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
