I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
