You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
