Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
