i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This toilet bowl is my home.
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