Where is the hickey?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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