fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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