Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
