I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
