I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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