I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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