I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
