sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
