i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
