Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
