guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am available for nakedness
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
