After last night, I could never be a politician.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
