I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
