Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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