I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
