Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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