Apparently you make a good broom.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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