i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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