wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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