So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
