i was born a porn star she said
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
