so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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