i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
