On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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