We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
