My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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