he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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