she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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