Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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