There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
