I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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