Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
