I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
