Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
