if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
