dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
