in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
