So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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