I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Holy sore nipples Batman
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
