Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
