I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
