WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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