The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
