I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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