the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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