eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
